by Jessie Manning, Cleveland, OH Safe Families for Children Chapter Director
Shame. It’s such a heavy word. It impacts our thoughts, actions, and hopes. It can hold us back and keep us stuck. In the spring of 2023, Elexis she found herself facing incarceration and living in a shelter with her two daughters. She could have allowed shame to weigh her down. She could have allowed shame to cause her to lose her children by not asking for help. She could have allowed shame to keep her isolated and alone. But that is not the path she chose. She explained she doesn’t see her story of one of shame, but instead one of strength and resiliency. What she and her family experienced brought them to the present. Together. Without shame.
When Elexis first called the Safe Families for Children (SFFC) helpline she was facing an incarceration of 32 days (to be served over 16 weekends) and was “so terrified my children would end up in the system, I didn’t want that! My goal was for my children to stay together and out of foster care!” SFFC matched them with my family (Jessie and Jason Manning) and plans were made for her two daughters to spend many of the upcoming weekends of her incarceration with my family.
Over the next four months, her daughters joined us at soccer tournaments, trips to Lake Erie, gatherings with friends, and many regular moments of family life. During this time Elexis and I began developing a friendship. We often planned grocery trips together and visited a favorite thrift store to look for school clothing for both sets of our children. Elexis always knows about local, free family events and shared invites with me! Elexis moved with her daughters into a single family home over the summer just 10 minutes from where we live. “The connection my family has built with the Manning family has helped us so much! I had ease, a sense of security, I felt and knew my children would be safe! The reassurance and warmth from the Manning family are feelings we hold near our hearts.”
Over these months, I saw myself wrestle with how often I look for others’ approval in my own life. All too often recognizing the feeling of shame slowly creeping into my own family’s story. Would I be as brave as Elexis to have transparency in all areas of my life? Would I let her into the struggles of my own family? The Lord has been so kind to me in allowing this friendship to hold a mirror to my own heart and posture. The words God gave to Isaiah to remind Israel of His unconditional love and covenant to them, “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.” – Isaiah 54:4 rings true for both of Elexis and me. In fact, when we both connect in honesty – bring our real selves to the friendship – we stand free of shame and allow our stories to show the goodness of God.
Now, a year and a half since first being connected through SFFC, we continue to text, gather as families, and journey through the ups and downs of our lives together. Elexis shared recently “We’ve been through quite a bit but remained strong, with the support from the Manning family, so much has changed but all positive energy!” She continues to serve out her probation, work through challenging family dynamics, and support the academic and mental health needs of her daughters. Her family’s story continues and I feel honored to be invited into it. We both choose to share openly – without shame, because that is where real change happens.